just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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