I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Thank you for not boning my boss.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
