Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
