I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
if only i could text you this smell
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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