I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
