My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i now understand why vodka
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
