My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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