do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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