The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
