I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
