he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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