so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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