I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
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