I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
