Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
