I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
