frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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