I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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