we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
