remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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