He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
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