im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
