We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
