Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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