Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
