no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Fuck appropriateness.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
