the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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