hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
