i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You can't just leave with hair like that
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
