At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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