And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Randomize
