What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
