Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
