i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
