Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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