if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
