I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
