You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
