I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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