i wish there were pregnant emoticons
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize