life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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