Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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