party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
