Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
