Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
