The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
