It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
