Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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