Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
