My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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