You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
