I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
