Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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