I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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