I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
two words: eviction party
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
