I think my vagina is haunted
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
