Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize