And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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