You smell like a Billy Joel song
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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