Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
