Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
