Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
wat bout pragnant strippers??
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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