I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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