you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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