My room smells like vodka and shame
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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