I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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