we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
